Friday, October 11, 2013

Strange dreams

Whoa, really strange dream last night!  Invasion of my childhood home.  My parents and I have to go into the house to get some stuff; we feel we need to move out, because there's danger.  We go in the front door, quietly, and fan out to make sure no one is there at the moment, and to pick up just a few things.  I go through to the back door, when I see some dogs start barking and running through the back yard.  I'm afraid it will draw attention and, just then, a hand comes around to silence me.  I wake up and pull the BiPAP mask off my face ... and can't get back to sleep for awhile.

I realize I've had a few childhood home dreams over the last several months, maybe years.  One I recall was that the house was crumbling and falling in on itself.

I'm thinking this has to do with my moving from my child mind -- very reactive, powerless, fearful, depressed -- to my adult mind, which I've been working on since I had that first taste of CBT.  One of the things that this has changed is my voice -- what I am able to say out loud.  And so, yeah.

I had some interesting memories on the way to work after my difficult night's sleep.  I'll probably dredge those up for the page later.

By the way, biopsy finally came back.  Complex hyperplasia -- some atypical cells.  As I understand that, those cells are worrisome, but not quite cancer.  If they were cancerous, they'd be invading the surrounding tissue.  In any case, though, it's close.  I meet with my doc on Monday and I suspect we'll be going on to schedule the hysterectomy.  Thanks, estrogen!  You've sure made things complicated.

Ah well, onward!

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