Looking at my old posts still -- and I found comments by a dear old friend that he apparently posted after I stopped looking. That friend has passed away in the meantime. Lots of loss in the last five years. Not that I'm morose or maudlin; far from it. But for a long time -- starting long before this blog got started -- I struggled with a deep and persistent depression, probably from childhood. Surprisingly, it's not always obvious to a person that they're in a struggle for their lives, which is a struggle I've been in at least a few times since I was a kid. But the last time I got the help I needed to get through it, and I have the tools I need to get help the next time I need it (and the awareness to monitor for signs that I need it). Lots of gains in the last five years.
That includes my current therapy group for disordered eaters. I'll ask the leader of the group if she minds that I talk about the stuff here, because it's already incredibly useful, after two sessions.
I've done a fair amount of journaling (for me) on some of these issues, and I'll share some of that here. Not too long ago, I made a long, long list of ways that my life and health will improve if I can lose the weight. Not surprisingly, even that didn't spur me to a non-disordered way of behaving, because very little else ever has either. I'll be interested to see if this group therapy helps, but it does seem to have already raised my awareness of some things I hadn't truly grasped before. For the edification of those who have not experienced this problem (and especially for those who think this is something a person chooses for themselves), I will find that list and add it to the blog.
I guess I'm working up to the business at hand. I'm a bit reticent to begin, for some reason, even after dusting off the cobwebs of the blog and all. It's more personal that I usually get in front of the world (or the 5 people who will read this blog), so ... eek. And, really, where to begin? Not at the beginning, surely.
Well, it will work itself out.